Am I Bovvered?


Am I bovvered? (Am I bothered?)

I think it’s three weeks into this lovely sunny weather, I’d normally pay a lot of money for flights, hotels and restaurants for the experience instead I’m at home enjoying the sun and heat, with Wimbledon in full swing, the Football World Cup seems to be in Englands favour and the British Grand Prix is on today if I can be bovvered to watch it.

We all have choices whether we are bovvered or not, I wasn’t bovvered with the football but with a constant media overload I actually watched part of England’s quarter final with Sweden yesterday; I didn’t intend to I got caught up in the hysteria of the day but I did.  They played like a team, their composure was a joy to watch. Was I bovvered?

Is not being bothered a sort of being interested but not letting on to others and yourself. Surely by knowing about something I’m influenced by it wether I want to or not.

Is not being bothered a negative connection to whatever?

Do negative connections like to stick? I think they do, therefore if I’m not bovvered I will become more and more influenced by the whatever. Something that I say I’m not interested will start to control my life, this seems to be a lose-lose situation. Perhaps I could turn the statement to “I am bovvered!” then I can decide how to treat the whatever.

The whatever my never change because my responses to it will.

Have a play with something on your “Am I bovvered” list, keep it safe. Change the words to “I am bovvered” and see what happens. You may notice it change from a lose-lose to the win-win.  My I’m bovvered for sport this week is;

  • For the Grand prix today that will happen without me watching it, I’ll wait for the highlights later,
  • I’ll watch the Federer tennis games when I can because he is a joy to watch
  • For the World Cup semi final on Wednesday, I’ll make a decision to watch the England game on Wednesday.

Watching sport on TV are on the easy “Am I Bovvered’ list

Now to start some harder ones.

What’s on your easy list?

 

 

 

 

 

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How to maintain your painful habits!


When I meet new people one of the many questions that are asked are;

  • Where do you live?
  • Questions about my family and relationships
  • Why are am I here
  • Of course the weather

then the terrifying question arrives, what do you do!

I do have two roles, I’m a business analyst, most guess what this is without asking too many questions – they probably don’t know but their guess will do and I’m happy with that.

We can move on.

My other role is an Alexander Technique Teacher, well I will be soon. People either know or think they know, they are the ones that tighten their back to become erect and tall or they mention that it is something about sitting and standing.

The others want more information.

I really don’t know which ones are worse to explain what the Alexander Technique is; those with preconceived ideas or those without a clue.

I’ve shuffled around many ideas on what to say at this point, my current words are about rediscovering your lost freedom and ease, changing your habits that give you pain to habits that allow you freedom and ease; regressing back to being an 6 year old.

You may think that is impossible,

I’ll tell you it is not,

it is only a choice like the choice you have to maintain your painful habits.

Changing habits is a little difficult as you have to go against your norm, your norm has helped you throughout your life, if you are not careful every time you choose to make a change your norm will be resistant and win over your well intentioned choice. If you are like me your norm will win every time. What needs to be done is approach change indirectly then your habit can claim it for itself. Your habits are like your manager at work that keeps stealing your ideas. If you know that they do this then you can steer them to what you want. Habits are the same.

You need to show your habit the benefit of the change so that your habit can steal your idea.

Do you ever get out of breathe when you do a particular activity, mine was walking up hill. I’d see a hill and get ready for the incline; hunker down and lean into the hill – this is absolutely stupid, it is making the incline even more onerous.

Being an engineer I have an understanding about levers and weights, leaning forward I need more energy to move myself than if I was upright therefore getting ready for a hill by leaning forward is a waste of effort and pretty stupid.

The other thing I noticed I was doing was making sure I lifted my knees higher than normal and putting more energy than I needed into moving my legs. Unless it is a very steep incline the height you normally lift your feet is enough to go up a hill.

I’ve almost forgot, not only did a get ready by leaning into the hill, I’d hold my breathe for some strange reason. I’d be breathless in a few steps.

Obviously something needs to change, being breathless did have it’s benefits I’d have to stop walking. I find working on breathing can be a difficult experiment as I get drawn into breathing, my view breathing should just happen so I avoid working on my breathing.

Going back to basics always works for me. whether it is a hill, or any other activity.

Get to know your environment, notice what you are touching, your feet on the ground,  your skin touching your clothes, the sense of the wind passing your skin, the heat of the sun. Be there with your environment. Allow yourself to receive whatever you can see, don’t go searching and focusing on anything. Keep refreshing these thoughts, these thought indirectly quieten down my breathing and magically I become more upright without any effort – remember in the beginning of this blog people tightened their back to become erect, there is no need for this, it happens naturally when you allow it to happen. Now I can carry on with my walk up hill. whenever the need to hunker down to get up the hill appears I can either stop for a moment to get to know my environment and refresh the thought on every step.  At some point awhile back my walking up hill habit changed from hunkering down to noticing the environment, walking up hill is now a breeze.

Perhaps you could experiment or find an Alexander Technique Teacher to help you to rediscover your 6 year old self again.

Being 6 again is fantastic.

Happy experimenting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When things are getting to you


You know I’ve never really liked dancing, just too many rules to obey, though I enjoy watching people dance. I mentioned this in my last blog Bliss!

To my surprise I’m enjoying learning to dance the Tango, I’m learning Argentine Tango which from what I understand is a social dance without many rules. What happens between my partner and myself is our business as long as we move counter clockwise around the dance floor. I have steps to learn or what I feel I’m learning are the various options my partner and I have when we make a step together.

You can to do a little experiment in a moment. The experiment is ‘when is the moment when your step is committed, i.e. you can’t pause and change your mind?”

Please take a few steps and experiment.

What did you notice?

I noticed that when my gait is wide, which is my norm, I committed my step very early, probably before I moved my foot. Closing my gait helped but I also support most of my weight in my heels, when I moved my weight forward I could remain in balance on my standing foot for a lot longer, I can move my other foot forward, pause and move it back again. My decision to transfer my weight to my other foot is now when my foot is in its new position.

Please take a few steps with a closer gait and you weight forward, now experiment.

What did you notice?

Each time I experiment with this, things quieten down and I become more aware of my surroundings, noticing when I can pause and change direction, I’ve found with practice, pausing and changing can happen at any moment.

This is a great skill for dancing, I also see it as a great skill for those moments when things are getting to you. Next time you have one of those moments, stand up, close your gait so there is 2-4 cms between your feet, move your balance to the soles of your feet and wait until you want to move, take a small step and tease yourself whether you are going to finish the step or not. You will commit to something wait until the intension rises, commit and move to your new step or you may have committed to returned to where you were. Have fun experimenting, if you live in the Forest of Dean you could come along and learn the Tango, or search for somewhere else. feet 013

You can practice these steps wherever you are, even on the beach!

Do let me know how you get on!

 

Bliss!


argentine-tango-brussels-couple-358127It has been a while since I last wrote, unfortunately for you blogging hasn’t been my priority.

I’ve been enjoying life.

Seeing friends, travelling around and today enjoying the sun! They say this sunny days will last for several days.

Over the years I’ve been challenging myself with various topics, a few years a ago it was the belief I can’t sing. I’ve believed this because people I know and trust have told me so; they were wrong. I might not be the best singer in the world and lack confidence to perform solo, I can sing happily in a choir and I really enjoy singing there.

It’s surprising how many beliefs begin in childhood; one of my experiences was learning to dance in preparation for a school visit to Germany; put your left leg here and your right leg there, you’ll have probably experienced this for yourself. Very formulaic and BORING for a child forced to learn. I decided  as it was boring so I made a mess of it so I could prove I couldn’t dance. Bingo, I was deselected and didn’t do the performance. Deselection answered several of my fears and I could carry on with my boyish Peter Pan life, enjoying life, I am a Gemini after all!

Unfortunately we seem to be in a culture where dance is very important, many of us like to sit on the sidelines from the safety of our armchair watching more dancing than we think on TV, or dreading those events when we are expected to dance. I’ve found that beer really helps, when I lived in Scotland I really enjoyed Scottish Country Dancing, it was the beer that suppressed my fears of being watched and judged. If I was good it was luck, if I was bad it was the beer, it was never me!

A few weeks ago I decided to challenge my belief that I can’t dance without beer. I went for dance lessons not knowing what to expect. There was no now put your left foot here and right leg there.

Wow, I was in heaven.

It was ‘do a slight sway and when your weight is on one foot move your other foot’, apologies Bärbel you said a lot more than that.

All of a sudden it all made sense, attention to myself and then an intension to move however this time I have a partner to share our attention together and then share my intention to move. When our attention and intension jells magic happens.

So this is dancing!

I know I’m in my very early days and I have a lot to learn, yes there will be “put your left foot here” however I believe it won’t be like that. There will be no putting feet anywhere, we will have a shared attention of ourselves and I’ll share my intension to move and my partner will follow in anyway she chooses.

I can’t wait to learn more and get back on the dance floor. What Tango has taught me is that being in the moment and my partner is also in the moment, my body disappears as we meld together and move as one, it’s quite surreal, when the music ends there’s a sadness, loss and an embarrassment of the intimacy of the dance.

There is definitely a very strong cross over with the way I’ve learnt Alexander Technique and Tango; being in the moment, in balance with time and space, pausing for the right moment to take my partner and myself into movement. Neither of us not knowing what is going to happen next. Bliss!

Go try the Tango or the Alexander Technique or even better both.

 

Reach for the sky


I sometimes, it used to be almost all the time, get those nagging voices in my head that doubt what I am doing or about to do.

  • Do you?

I find they stop me from doing things I want to do; they just stop me in my tracks.

  • Do you get stuck as well?

What works best for me is to notice where I am, notice my feet, notice my head, notice space then these voices disappear and I can get on with things.

If you want to know more I’ve written a booklet how I quieten down my inner voices, It’s yours for free, just click on this link and it is yours.

Let’s quieten our inner voices together and reach for the sky!

 

 

95% done


What’s happening to me?

It may not be quite Alexander Technique but then again it is?

I’ve done things over the last couple of weeks that I haven’t done willingly for over two decades, that’s quite a long time and for some reading this you may have just been your mothers dream when I stopped doing these things. I didn’t know at the time but when I received a letter from the court my anxiety shot up to full power, this was the start of my divorce. With anxiety I became asthmatic and I guess depressed as well. I manned up to the anxiety and depression and fought on but I could escape my breathing, I could go anywhere without my trusty inhaler. Looking back I wasn’t in a very good state.

Then I accidentally found an Alexander Technique Teacher or perhaps the teacher found me or I was ready to listen and learn. I really don’t know how it happened but it happened.

I believe I now have anxiety, depression and asthma under control by how and what I think about. Thoughts of being in balance with time and space are the keys for me to release my anxiety and depression however some things may remain hidden, these are the things that you and I just don’t want to do due to some irrational fear.

My fear is criticism, I felt I got a lot of criticism when I was a child, I felt I wasn’t good enough, anything I did I thought I was told I could do better, I’m sure these were supportive and constructive comments, however I received them as criticism and I wasn’t good enough. Through this I created a strategy of doing 95% really well and knowing what 5% I didn’t do. Then I was ready when the criticism came as I had a retort for the 5%, I had a good answer why I hadn’t done it, it wasn’t the real answer, it was a staged and planned answer. Pretty cunning ah. Win, win, I did things to my satisfaction and other could criticise.

However the habit of not fully completing, whilst doesn’t really matter for say 95% of the things that you and I do, there are 5% of things that only 100% is good enough. I spoke to someone recently about this, it was the right time, place and person for me. It was a revelation just explaining this lifelong strategy, talking about it made it childish, it was a childish plan after all. It is now a redundant plan. This could not have happened without me being honest with myself to tell my story to someone and also having another plan ready. My new plan is being honest with myself, making conscious decisions and being content that I may make mistakes. This new plan has certainly shifted things, I’m doing things that I’ve put off for a generation!

What are you putting off for another day?

 

The quite loudness of being alive


Double blog day, it’s raining so I’ve retreated from the garage  I’ve been thinking from my heart quite a lot recently, instead of the thoughts of “woe is me” when I’m using my head to think, I’m thinking “what a great opportunity”, strangely these great opportunities are appearing from nowhere without any effort from me.

A few weeks ago I was told my contract won’t be renewed due to funding, I believed them and incidentally got a great leaving present earlier this week. I spoke to someone and in the conversation I flippantly said; “Give us a job”. He replied he was waiting for me to ask. At the interview with his manager, to sum it up very quickly he said, ‘When can you start?” It was all very surreal. Now I have a couple weeks off over Easter to clear the junk out of home and of course my garage. There may be some gardening if the weather is kind.

Not being in my head and being in my heart has changed the way I approach people and things, I have very little judgement, when I notice any judgement I ask myself if I really need it and do they or it deserve my judgement. My understanding of judgement is that it is a difference that we have noticed, a difference from our beliefs to what we sense outside of ourselves. We notice something different and want it to change it to our way (I’m being deliberately vague as we have many facets of what is different), we want others to change to be like us. Being judgemental is one point on the spectrum of division; generally not helpful in its mild form but death to millions on the extreme.

Perhaps judgemental thoughts come from the thoughts of not being good enough, feeling inadequate, etc. These thoughts come from your head not your heart, head thoughts keep you in a safe place with all your comfortable junk, When your comfortable there is no reason to change, you’re comfortable after all! Then, if there is something different out there you are eligible from your position of comfort to complain, be judgemental, get them to change so you can be comfortable again with all your junk. This will work for a while until there is enough inertia in others to ignore you. They will work around you, you will get annoyed, vengeful. It is bad if it is only a person but when it is a country it is a problem. I digress.

Thinking in you head is easy and comfortable, for head thinkers thinking from your heart is plain scary; there’s a need to meet your emotions, it is just impossible. Thinking from your heart is pleasantly vulnerable, thoughts come and go, I have more inertia to get things done, there is no thoughts of not being good enough, there is no judgement on others, they are what they want to be. There’s a quite loudness about being alive, I know I can’t hold on to any moment, I enjoy the moment, it is the best moment in my life and is this one and this one, it is the only moment I’m alive in; and this one.

From my experience, emotions are only around in the transition of thought from head to heart. Emotions are a realisation that the heart leads our thoughts. Comments please as this assumption wrote itself.

It is still raining, time to reflect on emotions, I’ll be really interested in your thoughts. Do practice thinking from your heart, don’t be judgmental when you slip back thinking from your head. Enjoy the quite loudness of being alive.

 

 

 

 

Waiting for the moment that doesn’t exist


Easter is here again, what are you doing?

I’m spring cleaning, well my garage, aka the junk store. I’ve collected some junk, kept just in case it’s needed someday. I’ve decided that day has passed. I’ve got parts for cars that have long gone, left over material from my various build projects and some just plain ordinary junk.

My head keeps saying “keep it just in case” and my heart says “get rid, IT IS junk”. This is really hard as my head keeps winning the argument over my heart even though I know my heart is right. I’ve tricked my head a little by offering some things free locally, but my head is hoping no-one will take up the offer I can keep them for that day I’ll need them.

These thoughts happen constantly in me and I guess in you as well. The constant battle of the head over the heart. I must say after a lifetime of my head winning, I’m starting to see my heart getting its way. The more I let my heart make the choice the better the choice is however heart choices are scary, they require courage and commitment as the head will try to butt in and return you to a place of safety, somewhere you have been before, somewhere amongst your junk. You can stay there amongst your junk, I have for years been waiting for the right day to use it; I’ll let you into a secret, that day doesn’t exist.

The truth is that this blog is part of my procrastination in avoiding my garage, making a coffee, disappearing into Facebook also make up my wonderful game of procrastination.

I find there is a different energy between a head thought and a heart thought,

Give it a go if you like!

Keep it simple, Think in your head about something needs to be done,  perhaps sorting out something that has you have put off for ages. Keep thinking what needs to be done, I find it slightly depressing and hard work to think that way but somehow comforting; I’m used to that way of thinking.

Now let’s think with our hearts, thinking with our hearts I found more open and giving also we can see the end, a junk free garage. It may be just me, my heart opens, I feel lighter and I’m smiling at the thought and the challenge. It feels a lot easier.

I hope that worked for you, I want to get on with my garage now, I’ll stay a little longer to finish this blog off, honest I’m thinking with my heart.

The way we think is one of the many choices we have in each moment of the day. We only ever have this moment and it only lasts for a moment and then gone forever. Please reread that sentence again. This is all we have however your head thinks otherwise, as your head loves to remember and use what is remembered and transpose it on to the future. The future doesn’t exist neither does the past, only this moment exists and only lasts for a moment.

I didn’t think I would get that deep though my heart thought differently.

Garage here I come!

 

Something not quite right!


It’s one of those days plenty to do then it snowed. Living some way from a main road and  up a steep hill, snow and ice stops travel except for the hardy. So what to do when it snows, the natural thing is to hunker down and do very little. I hate doing very little so I potter, being busy doing very little. Start a job, it’s too hard because … . Start another, it’s too hard because … . Then the day is over, oh good, time to stop being busy and relax. I hate relaxing I like doing. So for the first time in weeks I’m here writing a blog that isn’t going anywhere.

It may not be going anywhere at the moment, that may change, I like to write without knowing the end, the middle of the sentence or the next sentence. I just follow my fingers and the words appear.

The big thing that has changed in me over the past few weeks is that my fretting and worrying has almost gone to zero, things will be things and I understand I have little control over them, It’s actually a relief that I don’t need to worry about things outside of my control, I can now get on about being here without fretting about the future, You should try it sometime.

There are many phrases about just being yourself, you may have heard “You are good enough”. This phrase in particular has been with me for a few years as someone said it to me to placate me, help me, guide me, however it was the wrong person for me who said it, I didn’t believe or trust their deep down authenticity. This observation has been with me for a few years, I spoke about it today to someone and the jigsaw started to fit.

Our work in the Alexander Technique world is a very fickle thing. We are connecting to people in a unique way which is vastly different way to other practices. It is not just the teacher reading the pupil, the pupil can also read the teacher through our connections of sight, hearing and touch. If the pupil can read something not quite right about the teacher, the relationship can breakdown and the learning may fail to progress. I believe this happened to me a few years ago.

This situation can be devastating for the student as I found out myself; I started to blame myself for my lack of progress. Equally the teacher couldn’t fathom out what the problem was. I believe it is the responsibility of the teacher to notice, fathom out and come up with an alternative way to teach. This didn’t happen in my experience though the teacher may had thought they used alternative methods. I was left banging my head against the metaphorical wall for quite some time. In fact it probably wasn’t the teaching methods that were holding me back, it was my a lack of trust in the teacher. This lack of trust wasn’t obvious, we talked and were sociable, it was a recurring deep down feeling that kept saying; “Be wary, step carefully, they are hiding something”. Of course I may have been creating these thoughts through transposition from someone I met in the past who had similar looks or behaviours to them however I doubt it as others have told me they had the same issues with this person.

This experience has taught me well, when we connect through our senses we give more that we think, if we are trying to hard our hands shake, if we hold back some thoughts we put doubt in our touch which may manifest as lack of trust in the one who is listening. On reflection I sense they may have not been in the here and now and allowed their ego to be with them when they taught me; I then started copying their way of working when I worked with other students as I thought this was the norm. Learning the Alexander Technique is learning empirically; learning through experience, my experience at that time was skewed, luckily I found someone else to teach me.

To truly learn from a teacher, the teacher must be utterly in the here and now whilst instructing the student to be in the here and now. From that position things change, from my experience; pain disappears, I’m more movable, I have sense of lightness with great clarity, my worries and troubles vaporise,  all this with freedom and aliveness. What a wonderful time and place to live in. It’s available to all, why choose anything else. The skeptics may have excuses not to be in the moment, those excuses are not valid. You can live in the moment and do normal things, working, going on holiday, watching TV etc.

We all have choices and I choose to be in here and now where everything I do has a vibrancy in the activity, even boring mundane stuff is fun.

Once you have learnt these skills you have power to choose the intensity of your own here and now, from gently simmering to full power, once learnt it is difficult to turn off and ignore or even turn the power down, why should you, isn’t being authentic, with your own freedom and aliveness what everyone really wants?

Life is good and you can have it as well.

PS.  You may be wondering about the teacher I mentioned, I was angry with them for sometime but not now.  I now realise it is their journey and when they are ready they will be able to let go of those emotional thoughts.

 

 

Something happened out of the blue!


Somethings happen out of the blue.

It did for my this week.

As you may be aware, I’ve been training to become an Alexander Technique Teacher for more years than normal. It’s taken me long for various reasons, my hypothesis is that learning Alexanders discoveries takes longer the older you are, the more trauma you have met in your live this also adds time to discover his discoveries. There is another part of my hypothesis is that you also need to be trained by the teacher that understands you and has the patience to support you, I didn’t have this in my first part of my training so I moved training schools now hI have that support.

We meet monthly over an intensive weekend, though it is long days it isn’t tiring it is extremely stimulating and a fantastic place to learn. The training school doesn’t have a fixed time for the completion of your training, you are ready when your ready!

‘Being ready when you are ready’ initially I thought was a very strange concept to run a training establishment, it was difficult to take in when I started, I was in a rush to be certified and get teaching. Please find a teacher, I can’t justify in writing what Alexanders discoveries is about, the only way is to experience it.

Months went by I still was rushing to get teaching – people need to experience what I’m learning but they won’t give me a certificate. Slowly I came to the realisation Alexander Technique teachers don’t teach. A strange thing to realise after all the time and money I’ve spent.

I’ll explain.

It’s impossible to teach Alexander’s discoveries unless you let go of judgement to allow yourself to rediscover your freedom, easy and joy. This is what the training is all about, it is not about getting a teaching certificate, it about being your authentic self. From the outside I can see how this all seems upside down and topsy turvy, I had those thoughts once. A month or so I discovered that I didn’t care about certificates I was content to go to the school once month, infinitum. I love the contented, energetic, quite, challenging, easy, simple, joyous space the school is. I learn more and more about myself every time I visit. My last visit I left my usual hour early, I’ve a train journey to get me home that takes a few hours. The visiting teacher didn’t know I was leaving early, they wanted to sponsor me for my teaching certificate, but couldn’t as I’d left. When I was told I was initially annoyed, that passed very quickly to being overjoyed as someone who I’d never met until three days ago was willing to sponsor and support me on the next part of my journey. This was completely out if the blue, I’ve always thought I was not good enough, someone saying I’m good enough has turned my thinking on my head. Thank you.

This news has given me an awful lot of confidence in myself and a renewed contentment that I know who I am and for the next part of my journey of discovery.

Again please find an Alexander Technique teacher and discover what I’ve been going on about.

 

 

Have you ever thought it should be easier than it is, I've got some secrets I'm willing to share on how to make your activities easier.