I’m stuck in the middle!
I didn’t realise it had happened to me!
Stuck in the middle, really!
Let me explain.
This year I’ve experienced some traumatic events, a couple in the top ten, I’m not boasting, it’s what has happened to me. What I find interesting is what my reaction to them has been and how my reaction affected others close to me.
Over the past few years I’ve been developing my skills at being present and balanced, I guess that I’ve been so present and balanced nothing has really upset me, I’ve been like a palm tree in a cyclone, I’ve just stood there and taken all the wind could give me, once over I’ve stood tall again. This may be useful when teaching the Alexander Technique, but I doubt it. I guess I would give feedback to myself that I may appear to be uncaring, remote, difficult to read. Simply out of touch with what’s going on, that’s from the outside, from the inside I’m aware of what is happening but not responding to what is happening around me, I’m choosing to be balanced. What’s really happening is I’m in the habit of being in balance, the habit of being present. This habit isn’t helpful! I’m stuck in the middle watching the world go around me with quiet contentment;
bad news just melts away,
good news just melts away.
I’m just standing tall!
I spoke to a colleague about this, she commented that she’s the same, a while ago she’d shout and scream or be overwhelmed with joy, everyone would know how see felt, not anymore, an event arrives, some reaction and a swing back to the middle and her day carries on. It almost as she didn’t care; cool and calm in the face of adversity.
This is all about understanding ourselves, we both had lost the habit of overreacting with little conscious control, to not reacting and staying present with conscious control, both of our habits have shifted. There’s certainly more consciousness in being present as it is a continual choice, I feel I’ve gone too far and now need to express appropriate emotion to a particular situation for me to engage with the situation and for other to understand how I’m feeling. Trust is needed in myself to be honest and authentic that allows others to engage with my emotions.
Writing this has opened my eyes, it is all to do where I am in the moment; how and what I’m thinking. If I’m thinking inwardly or just to the surface of whatever a surface means to me then I’m stuck in the middle without any scope to go beyond that surface, if I think beyond this surface then I’m open to many, many choices, I’m not stuck in the middle, I’m free to explore.
We all have habits that aren’t that useful, it’s recognising them and doing something about them, sometimes it’s best to let them run, sometimes to pause and continue, sometimes to pause and do something different. The important thing is to firstly notice if you don’t then you haven’t these choices, all you can do is plough on regardless. Being present and aware has become a stuck habit, it’s now time to notice this habit and go beyond the false boundary I’ve set myself and get out there with the rest of the world. Thank for reading my blog and getting to the end, do you ever get stuck in the middle? I’d love to read about what you think about my blog. If you would like to receive my blogs by email all you have to do is click on this link, you can unsubscribe whenever you want.
Until next time.