Over the past few years I’ve been troubled with what end-gaining is. End-gaining is the habitual response to astimuli without any conscious thought or control. I’ve until now thought this was mostly about physical activity, how I walk, speak, run, stand; yes standing is an activity. These and many more physical activities can be sabotaged by how we think we should do the activity; “do” is the key word here, by doing we are not allowing ourselves to use ourselves appropriately.
There’s another layer to all this end-gaining and that is stress, anxiety, stage fright, thoughts of not good enough, etc have a part to play in the end-gaining game. This was my discovery this week during my Alexander training; it’s taken a long time to realise that I’ve been sabotaging myself in my training with negative thoughts of ‘I’m not good enough’ and a host of varieties of self doubt.
If you’re like me, when I have a doubt about something I get the sense that the back of my neck is tightening, a handy indicator for me at the moment, this gives me the opportunity to do something about the anxious thought.
I like visual thoughts, I know not everyone does, but I have an imaginary bucket that I put these anxious thoughts in and then treat them in the same manner. I’ve experimented with various thoughts on how to treat the anxious thoughts in my bucket. Having aggressive thoughts makes them more aggressive and they fight back, it’s not very nice vicious circle. Being kind, thanking the thought and deciding not to use the anxious thought really works for me, it releases me from my habitual end-gaining response and now I have constructive conscious control of what ever activity I decide to undertake.
So be kind to yourself, if and when your form of self doubt, self worth raises its head, thank the thought, be kind to it; you did create it sometime ago when you needed it. Tell it that it’s not needed at the moment and let it go.
Enjoy the freedom this brings.
Now this is a rather large bucket, any ideas what it is?