Continuing on from yesterdays blog I should have been annoyed?. It’s quite liberating to talk about how I feel. For years how I felt was my business, keep it tightly held to myself and its nobody else’s business.
I had the thought that we all bounce around in our little bubbles, it is safe in there with our habits that restrict and constrain our freedom. If there is a chance that the bubble can be burst we just add more layers of habits to protect us, this does lead to the problem that we are even more constrained and restricted with even less freedom. This has certainly been my habits, I did like my bubble, I avoided vulnerability, risk and had a quiet life. It was wonderful. Or so I thought. All these habits are really just thoughts and as FM Alexander wrote: “we translate everything, whether physical, mental or spiritual, into muscular tension.”
So being in my bubble I was generating unnecessary muscular tension. I thought I was having a quiet life but I was busy protecting myself unnecessarily for imaginary problems, I was making things up to keep the dream going. I can only guess that 99.99999% of the population love to do this as well.(I’ve got no valid reason for the percentage, it just looks good)
Well, I’ve popped my bubble, or rather letting it down slowly. Too quickly and I may just turn into a babbling wreck. I’m starting to enjoy my vulnerability, instead of the thoughts of “I can’t do that” its “let it happen and see what occurs”. Without my bubble, life is a strange place, it’s actually great. But at the moment I’m not ready to go to far from safety but I’m pushing the limits and a little beyond them. I wouldn’t even know this place of vulnerability and wonderfulness existed with my Alexander Teacher Training. I’m not recommending you go on the teacher training course, but a few sessions with an Alexander Teacher may well introduce you to the land of vulnerability and wonderfulness.
I must have changed, in the past if I was given bad news I would be annoyed especially if I was to blame.
An interesting sentence, bad news, blame, two things that seem to go together in many aspects of life. I was caught in an interesting state, I knew I was at fault but had to wait until someone told me.
My fault was being to reliant on my habits to float quietly through life. This may be fine for the vast majority of people throughout the world but for a certain type of people that’s Alexander Technique Teachers, there may be others, floating quietly through life just won’t do. In my last blog The perfect student or the Alexander Overcoat I’d discovered just this, discovery is one thing, but unwinding my habits are another. This takes guts and trust that my world won’t just crumble to dust if I let my well established beliefs and habit disappear.
You may be aware that I’ve been training to become an Alexander Technique Teacher, 1600 hours over three years, quite a commitment but seems quite easy, learn some procedures, read some books and do some writing, the usual for a training course. Alexander Technique Teacher Training has all those aspects but includes one other huge aspect, we need to get to know ourselves from the bottom up, this is the honest, truthful, beautiful self. As I mention in my previous blog I got somewhere in discovering myself but got stuck ‘doing the do’ instead of ‘being the be’. This has been a hard lesson to learn but essential for me to move on. Unfortunately my discovery is at the right time for me but not for my Alexander Technique Teacher Training so I’ll have to stay on longer than my expected 1600 hours.
When I was told, I was relieved as I knew I wasn’t ready. It would have been different if I was still wearing my Alexander Overcoat, blame and anger would have been to order of the day.
Acceptance of myself is a powerful tool that the Alexander Technique has given me, this only comes with practice and patience.