Alexander Discovery, anxiety, body mapping, body-mapping, happiness, intention, mindfulness, self-doubt

Piercing the heart

Yesterday I wrote about that Authentic Happiness Shines however it isn’t a simple trick that you can play on yourself and hopefully others will get sucked into your trick. They may believe in your trick for a while but eventually they will slowly move on and disappear from your company.

I know as it’s happened to me.

The other trick we play on ourselves is that we aren’t worthy of your love and friendship, we hold ourselves back with this belief. Others are waiting, screaming quietly to accept our love and friendship.

I know it’s happened to me.

So playing at it and denying it just don’t bring happiness.

What does?

Just being me. 

My authentic self in this very moment, each moment exists for as long as it needs.

It’s not the duration of 9 192 631 770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom. i.e a second.

I don’t know how long they are in physical measurement but they are long enough, they end when they need to end. I’ve found that there’s a problem with these moments and it is that I want to stop them because I feel vulnerable, it doesn’t feel right, it’s strange, it’s an out of body experience, I shouldn’t be thinking like this. These thoughts are just things I’ve picked up over my lifetime, people trying with best and worst endeavours to shape me into somebody they want me to be, they are creating my paradigm, my set of rule that I need to comply with. Challenging my paradigm makes me vulnerable, it causes a change to my paradigm.

I see the people trying to mould my paradigm as an ivy climbing a tree and it slowly sucking the life of the tree.


In the end both suffer, my life is constrained and will wither then the ivy will not be able climb to the height it wants.

So seeking happiness, the first thought is to restart my paradigm, that seems to be a bit a a sledge hammer to crack an egg,

We are what we are,

I am what I am.

We can all change if we want to.

So seeking happiness is just being me in the moment.

Being in the moment is been true to yourself.

  • You need to be grounded
  • You need to be all joined up
    • an authentic flow of energy throughout yourself
    • know where your body is
  • You need to be here
    • in time
    • in space
  • You need to love yourself first
    • content with yourself in the moment
    • and the next moment
    • you need to allow the pain of your pierced heart to diminish.

Amazingly you can do all this, but you may need help to investigate how to change your paradigm. I did and now I’m ready to help.

If you are interested why not join my mailing list, I’ll send you some more ideas.

Alexander Discovery, Alexander Technique, anxiety, breathing, freedom, happiness, intention, mindfulness

Authentic Happiness Shines

In a strange and strong place today, it has been a wonderful day so far, walked with my lovely neighbours our dogs came too, the weather is cold, sunny and no wind. I haven’t done much else.

A day for reflection

Over the past few years I’ve been busy, busy, busy; today the weather is kind but cold, ideal for reflection. Autumn is the time that the forests expose their vulnerability after the hubris of spring and summer, a time for the forests to reflect on their glory and rest awhile to regain their strength for the next season of growth. I’m in the mood to reflect today, enjoy the glories of last spring, summer and autumn, so I can move on to the next part of my journey.

So what is the next part of my journey?

Haven’t a clue.

I may not have a clue but I certainly have an intention, My intention is to be happy and pass my secrets of being happy onto others. I’ve discovered that we all have the capacity to be happy but many don’t know where to start to find their authentic happiness. Many play at it and once the play is over they return to being a grump again. Authentic happiness shines through everything, a quality of calmness, groundedness, presence, joyfulness.

We can all play at being happy but playing at it isn’t authentic and others just know and it losses its power and contagiousness. When someone is really happy those around them also start to become happy, I guess some will fight it for a while or just leave. Some people consider for some reason that it is not right and proper for themselves to be happy: life is joyless, a grudge and that’s how it should be.

Not for me, I discovered the secret.

The secret is being all joined up, I have some bad points and I’m happy with them as well as all my good points. I’m me and I’m in the moment, oops, that’s part of the secret.

Being all joined up, I know what I mean, it is a thought I have. It’s when my thoughts converge into one, it’s the point of ease, it’s the point of choice, it’s the point of happiness.

Being all joined up has taken me sometime to discover, in fact years and years, I used to be the person that thought life was joyless and a grudge, you don’t have to with that long, just subscribe to my mailing list and you will start getting regular ideas to try and practice to discover your authentic happiness.

The photo is of Sudeley Ponds in the Forest of Dean, just around the corner from where I live, it was taken today.





Alexander Technique

I’m stuck in the doldrums; it’s just a reaction!

I made a big decision last week which I wrote about in Walking on Cornflour. No names or what the decision was, I think that is none of your business unless I’ve told you already.

I was told it was a brave decision, a bold decision, the right decision, it was a decision that empowered me. Well, after the euphoria of making this decision, I’m in the doldrums, a ship that has lost its rudder, just wallowing at sea. For a while it was great, I made a decision, now I need to get on and follow my dream.

I now need to work on my own, be self motivated, face my doubts alone, seek help from others. It seems a pretty daunting view, it is but is it really?

We my think that we always work with others but in reality it is me that gets me out of bed each morning because I’m motivated to do things, there may be outside pressures for this motivation, bills, rent, mortgage etc but it is me that sets the alarm and rises when the alarm goes off, I do snooze sometimes; well most days. I do get on live my day and make my choices throughout the day.

Making this decision, though being in the doldrums at the moment; I’ve been motivated to get on but stuck with thinking about options. I’ve got several decisions to make but first I need to contact people to discuss my options, maybe to change my lifestyle. I’ve got some big decisions to make, these decisions need to be authentic and true for me and also for my wife. Thinking and being in the doldrums are just a reaction, it feels like a period of mourning, perhaps it is. Part of my life has stopped and my new life is just about to start however I need a time to adjust. I want to get on but I want to take it carefully as well, I’m stuck in the doldrums; it’s just a reaction.

What I’ve learnt over the past few years is that whenever I feel like this it is time to stop and observe. See what’s going on in myself, within others and my environment. I’m being encouraged that I did the right thing, I’m told that I’m happier, settled and more focused.

But inside myself I’m a mixture of lets get on and what have I done. Its time to stop and do neither, just be in the moment and have an intention, a goal to work too but I’ll be content to change my goal as I develop my journey to somewhere, I haven’t a clue where I’ll end up but it’ll be the right place at the right time. This not knowing is very powerful as I haven’t brought along my doubts and fears along, they follow and try it interrupt me, I’m nice to them and they go away.

Not knowing isn’t quite not knowing, it’s knowing everything all at the same time, being present and observing then making choices on what I observe, this observation in how I see other behave, where I am and what I’m doing. We all do this all the time unfortunately most of us are a bit lazy and allow our habits to drive our emotions to respond and then behave in a particular way to as reaction. Stopping and observing first, with practice will take nanosecond or so, so nobody will notice, you’ll have choices that aren’t the habitual reaction, so you may say, “no” instead of your usual “yes” that you regret almost instantly.

Being empowered this way allows my life to be open, free and authentic, it is also less scary as my decisions are truthful.

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Alexander Technique, Inhibition, intention, mindfulness, present, stopping

Walking on Cornflour

You know, sometimes after banging your head against the brick wall it’s sometimes best to stop.

I’ve had a sleepless night trying to work out why something isn’t working, You may get to know what it is later or maybe not. It’s early in the morning, the sun is a few hours away, it’s quite and my solitude is writing this blog. I’m not in my usual buoyant mood, I’m angry, I’m annoyed but surprisingly quite chilled about what’s going on. Perhaps it’s because I’ve made a decision to stop, I just need to tell people now.

I’m at the point before the point of release and celebration, I’m saddened by my decision but can see it is for the best for me.

Have you ever played with corn flour and water, if its squeezed it goes solid and it returns to liquid when you let go. There was a science programme once TV a few years ago, they filled a swimming pool full of corn flour and water. The challenge was to walk from one end to the other without sinking, the presenter was successful, they then demonstrated what happened if the presenter just stood still or moved to slowly, you guessed it, they sank.

I’m the one sinking now and it is time to get out of the pool.

This isn’t a nice place to be, it is uncomfortable, it is strange, it is empowering. My past few years have been preparing for this point, learning how to be present, inhibit, direction, plan a way ahead and apply my intention. I’m doing all that now, of course in a non-doing way. This thinking is a wonderful way to work though difficult times. Sometimes the way ahead isn’t what I’ve expected.

I never expected this.

So it is time to re-plan my  way ahead and apply my intention. I’m in the inhibition stage at the moment, it may last a while but I don’t know how long, so many options, perhaps let life just lead me.

Sorry, you will have to wait for another day to find out what this is about as it isn’t right to let you know before I have a few honest discussions with those it will impact on. Some of you may already know as I’ve discussed it with you and thank you for your guidance and support.

Alexander Technique

Getting in the middle

Do you ever butt in to a conversation with “and”, “but”, “however”?

Do you ever reply to someone talking with “and”, “but”, “however”?

I do sometimes and I’ve found it not very helpful, I’m joining in their conversation, supporting their ideas, possibly trying to please, possibly trying to be them.

All these thoughts aren’t very helpful for myself and the relationship with that person. You may lose their respect, you may lose your respect for yourself, they may misuse you by steering you down a path not to your liking.

So what to do?

You may have guessed if you have read my previous blogs.Firstly notice that you are trying to butt in, if that’s not possible ask a friend to give you the nod when it happens, with practice you will start to notice and naturally move on to the next step which is to stop butting in.

So what to do instead, for the moment nothing, may be a nod or agree in some other way. In that moment while you are doing nothing have a thought of why you want to butt in. Are you seeking approval that you understand, are you trying to please? It may be something else.

During the urge to butt in do you get any muscular tension, does this tension feel familiar, can you remember other times you felt it? Remembering the tension may bring back early memories when it was necessary to butt in to get attention, you were a child then seeking attention and love from an adult, this was a learnt method to get the love you desired and completely appropriate for a child learning how to get on with life. Some habits though life need to evolve or lose there usefulness and become redundant. Perhaps butting in is one of those habits.

So what to do if you can’t butt in? Nodding and agreeing could be a start but I guess it you’ll start getting annoyed with yourself, I do, so you need a plan. So again it is time to stop, you may notice I mention a lot of stopping. It is like coming to a junction of a road, the way ahead isn’t clear so you need to slow down, it’s still not clear so the only option is to stop and observe. For the moment, just like learning to drive it is best to stop and observe before moving on, if it vexes the driver behind, so be it, that is their problem.

Now you have stopped, take a moment to find out where you are, physically and psychologically.

Physically, where are you, sitting or standing, what parts of your body are touching something. Do you have an awareness of touch at these point? Can you feel any muscular tension anywhere.

Psychologically, what are you thinking? Can you recognise that you want to butt in? Do you have an urge to do something, can it wait a moment. Who are you in the relationship, we have many personas that we use everyday and every time we meet and converse with someone. The simple relationships are based on the adult and child perspective. Are you butting in  with an equal or the child in the relationship. If you are the child then you are not serving yourself well, stop and behave as an equal.

So how do you behave as an equal, I guess this can be over done and you may swing to being someone trying to control the relationship without knowing how, I know because I’ve done that, the secret is not to swing either way, you need to be in the middle, neither being submissive nor dominant.

Again the secret is to stop and do nothing, it not quite doing nothing but it will look like that from the outside; the other persons view, you will be very busy doing nothing. A whole host of thinking to get your psychophysical being in the middle.

My thoughts about being in the middle.

Sometimes I find it hard to be in the middle, I get drawn out of myself with outside factors, the election or two, what I’m doing today, sometimes I get drawn into myself because I think I’m not goood enough. What ever the reason the steps to change my thoughts are the same.

You’ve probably guessed it, the first step is to stop, the take a moment to get myself in the middle, my psychophysical unity.

Getting in the middle has various aspects and can be approached from any direction so the list of thoughts are my order for this moment, tomorrow the order may be different.

  1. How am I sitting?
    1. I have a thought of my;
      1. feet
      2. legs
      3. Sit bones
      4. my spine
      5. my head
      6. my arms
      7. my hands
    2. I have a thought of the whole of me
  2. What am I thinking about?
    1. Can I quieten down thoughts that are pulling me a way?
    2. I develop a thought of just being here, I develop a sense of weight in my body and let this sense to become heavier (allowing myself to become heavier is allowing some muscles to release from holding myself up).
    3. If my mind is still distracted or wooly, I let my eyes soften to allow light in, if I notice that I’m staring or focusing on something look else where and soften my eyes.
    4. I notice my breathing, I allow my breathe to ebb and flow, I just let it happen. When I notice my breathing, my breathing gets deeper and the quality of breath improves.

I keep going around these thoughts as they arise over and over again. This sounds like a lot of effort, it is when you start but gets easier and easier and fast and fast.

Give it a go.

When your ready and practiced with these thoughts, notice the next time you want to butt in, can you stop and get yourself in the middle. When I practice this, my ideas of trying to please and be in the conversation melt away and then have the opportunity to add my comments in a mature appropriate way. You may notice this will happen to you.

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Happy stopping and being in the middle


Alexander Discovery, anxiety, mindfulness, self-doubt, trying

The real me

Authority – a word that gives me awkward thoughts

  • Being told what to do
  • Being measured and checked if I’m doing it right
  • Somebody has the authority over me
  • I want to rebel against authority
  • I’m not in charge
  • I’m being undermined and not in control


If I turn it around

“Somebody else has authority over me’


“I have authority over me”

then thoughts change and I’m empowered with the authority in what I do.

The need to

  • please others disappears
  • be measured by others disappears
  • search for criticism and approval from others disappears.

I am my own man and I become my authentic self.

The real me

On first thoughts this turn around is pretty scary, I’m vulnerable and open to others, well that’s my initial thoughts but really I’m not open to others, I’m open but in control of my own destiny.

Life still goes on but at my pace, I’m not sitting in a corner being the authentic me but living life.

I get the sense that I’m no longer living in the thick fog of anxiety trying to please others, my days are bright and clear as I go from activity to activity.

This could be called mindfulness in activity, I’m not sure what it is but I get the space and time to think and be confident in what I do.

So authority isn’t such a bad word when I use it for myself, it give me the authority to be authentic.

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