Christmas is almost over, it’s a time when people either love it or hate it. I’m one of the later. It brings back memories of lost loves and lost families. I wonder what they are doing, why don’t they contact me, why don’t I contact them? I seem to be stuck in my stubbornness to resolve these contacts, perhaps I like the hurt that this time of the year brings, perhaps it’s because I’m a bad person and deserve to feel this way.
I’ve hated Christmas for a couple of decades, I’ve tried many coping methods to live through this week; getting drunk, going away on holiday, food and TV for the week, being busy and walking. Some years a mix of them all, some years it works and I get through the week without any sadness, some years it is a week from hell.
This Christmas has been a particularly good time for me, I did have a dull point on Boxing Day morning. I spoke to my wife about it and she reminded me that we have friends that support us as we support them. Reminiscing of what could have been doesn’t help me or anyone else. I don’t have control of the past as I don’t have control of the future, so perhaps I might have control of what is happening now. Maybe, maybe not; I really don’t have the answer to this, I find this is a profound and impossible question to answer.
Being present has so many facets, so many habits, beliefs and behaviours it is really difficult to know if I have control of what is happening in this very moment.
Take typing, some people can touch type and don’t have a care where their fingers are going, they know that what they think will appear on the screen. They have had years of constructive training to magically get words appearing on the screen, I’m jealous. I’m partly trained, I know where the keys are but I still have to check the keyboard that I’m typing correctly, it’s so annoying.
A proficient typist has a different view on whats happening in the same moment than me, I’m concentrating on typing words correctly and they may be thinking about the sentence structure and story. These comparisons can be applied to an athlete and a spectator watching the athlete. They are both in the same moment, at the same location but they are having completely different experiences. We don’t know what mental anguish anyone is going through at any one moment. We may see things physically but psychologically things may not be visible. You may see my eyes moving from the screen to the keyboard but you may not my annoyance of not being able to touch type.
You may see the athlete beat their record but you may not see the pain they are in. The spectator may be enjoying the athlete get their personal best but can you see the anguish they are suffering and they are only watching the athletics to get away from their suffering. The same is for Christmas, just because you are enjoying the festivities others may be there quietly and politely suffering from memories of the past, these make Christmas a painful time of year.
From my point of view, don’t get involved in the memories of those who are suffering but instead offer them love and support, dwell in the moment and make every moment you are with them a moment to remember. Be your authentic beautiful self and pass your beauty onto others then we will all have fun over this festive season.
Remember some people don’t like New Year, so here’s another opportunity to pass your beauty on to others.