Who are you trying to please?


Keeping in line with my last few blogs

I’d thought I would keep the theme going for a little longer. We all have grand plans to change; cut down on the booze, coffee, sugar, cigarettes so we are healthier happier people. I know I’ve done these changes many times, some have been very successful but the vast majority eventually fail.

You don’t fail because of the books you’ve read about the change or the equipment you have bought to help you or the community you have joined to help you change, it is something else that forces the failure.

It is something in yourself that says: “Enough is enough, I like it how it was, lets stop this stupid change as you won’t like what you will turn into”. You can change these word to your own.

Everyone welcomes change as long it is someone else doing it!

We fail because we tell ourselves to fail, we may be encouraged to fail by someone else however it is your decision to listen and choose to fail. It is something in your ego that is stopping you make your choice to change. Your ego has many facets to defend, it may be ridicule, failing to change, fear of success, being noticed, not being noticed, loss of friendship, alienation by colleagues … .

I see many changes that we attempt as quite boolean, we are doing something we don’t like so we stop doing it, we instantly switch to on to off. Rather like the facets of your ego,  each facet has two sides. We have a difficult task trying to please our egos as our egos are always on the move. If you’re on a diet and lose a few pounds your ego is joyful and you have the will to carry on, then the following weight in you have gained a few pounds, it’s the end of the world, lets give up. It is the same you but your ego has switched sides. The problem seems to be the reaction to the weigh-in, one solution is not to weigh-in or another is not to react to the results of the weigh-in. I went to the slimming club once, it was all praise and blame; a perfect place to hone egos.

Not reacting probably needs more explaining, it how you react to news, you could be vengeful or joyous basically overdoing the emotional response. This triggers the thought to I must try harder or it’s not worth it anymore. Quietening down the response may be better and even better stopping your ego in its tracks. You can stop your ego in its tracks by being consciously present and in balance. It is hard at first, with practice it gets easier and will become part of your day, turning the power up when it is needed.

To start on this journey to quieten your ego, you first need to notice when your ego gets noisy and demanding, pause to really listen to what your ego is saying, quietly ask your ego “why” or “what” or “when” or “where’ or “how”. You should notice your ego quieten down, if your ego rises again ask the questions again. Whilst your ego is quiet you may discover what you really want.

For now, notice, pause and ask the questions. You may discover something wonderful.